Stupid Avatarded Tidbits And Snippits
by Luna Cat Kitty
Summary: Short mini drabbles from the cesspool that is my brain. None of which are connected, and just plain don't make any sense. So sit back, relax, and expect the unexpected! This time around: Zuko interrogates Ozai about the location of his mama.
1. They're On A Boat

**Hello everyone! This is just a place for some really short, but stupid random writings that have nothing to do with anything.  
In short, it's a fanfic dump to clean out the cesspool that is my brain. And to help with writer's block.  
****The fanfics will most likely be stupid and ridicule whatever is bothering me at the moment, but will have the occasional serious one.  
Don't take these seriously. xD**

**This lovely chapter is based/inspired on that song called I'm On A Boat by The Lonely Island featuring T-Pain.  
YouTube it. You should know what I'm talking once you hear it. Or read the lyrics. lol**

**Enjoy, and don't forget to review!**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing.**

* * *

The trio stopped their singing as they noticed a slight change of scenery. They weren't sailing in the glorious ocean blue, but their yacht still sailed merrily across the large lake. They looked at each other for a few moments and then turned their loud stereo back on.

_I'm on a boat, motherfucker_!

Meanwhile, not so far away a man with a braid threw a scroll off his desk in a mixture of rage and confusion. The sound of people proclaiming the obvious could be heard through the water and earth above.

Long Feng slumped in his chair as he rubbed his temples. If he wasn't concerned for the safety of himself or the Dai Li, he'd send a pillar above to punch a hole in their precious boat.

He wanted whoever, or whatever they were off of his lake, and preferably brainwashed under it. A sick grin crossed the Secretariat's face. He ordered his best agents in the room as more of their spirit forsaken song began to play.

_Fuck trees, I climb buoys, motherfucker!_

_Believe me when I say, I fucked a mermaid!_

T-Pain began to sing backup vocals, assisted by his auto tune as a pair of strange smaller boats with green sails flanked the yacht. The singers of The Lonely Island began to sing the chorus as a small group of people boarded the yacht and restrained their limbs and mouths with rock gloves. The Lonely Island and T-Pain were dragged on the smaller boats and taken away.

The singers woke up in a good sized room. In front of them was a ring like contraption with a glowing lantern attached to it. In the middle was Long Feng with a sick grin on his face, staring at the three. The light began to circle him as the singers tried to think of the earlier events.

"The Earth King has invited you to Lake Laogai."


	2. Bottle Of Moonshine And A Herd Of Bison

**Behold, the second chapter in my random series of stupidness.  
This is me procrastinating from two essays and a speech. Revel in it's strangeness.  
This is what goes through my brain on a daily basis.  
To my reviewers, thanks a ton for taking the time to do so. I honestly thought that it wouldn't get much, if any. Hahaha.**

**This chapter is just plain... Well... There aren't any pop culture references, and it seems nearly plausible for the incanon universe.  
But hey. You just want to read about Moonshine and bison. Admit it.  
Moonshine, for those of you who don't know, is highly alcholic and is illegal, if I'm correct.  
This chapter is also longer than I wanted, but hey.**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing.**

* * *

He first saw them when he was ten. Angry about something or another he stomped off further into the mountains that sheltered his small village. The boy hiked down a mountain path when he saw it. He heard a loud growling noise from above. His first instinct was to look up. He thought he saw the tail of some large furry mass flying above him. Another gravely roar of some sort left the owner of the tail, as if signaling its departure. The confused earthbender stared up; slack jawed before he went back running to his tiny mountain town.

The town itself was nothing to be proud of. Occasionally something good would come from it, and even then it was just Old Man Pong making a fuss about his famous Moonshine and trying to hide it from "them dern Fire Nashion spies" which according to him were everywhere. The boy ran screaming through the village that some giant mountain monster with a tail was flying about.

No one believed him. Not even Old Man Pong.

Ten years later he went off into the mountains again. Not because he was angry, but because he wanted to simply practice his earthbending before going off to fight at Ba Sing Se. Something about a Dragon wanting to set it on fire was all he got. He didn't really know the details, considering he was briefed after drinking a bottle of Ol' Pong's Moonshine. So the new soldier lazily began chucking rocks around on some mountain path that was never used. He heard a slightly familiar growling sound from below in the middle of a drop off. The soldier wandered to the cliff's edge and peered down. There he saw was a familiar tail and a pair of legs. Immediately the earthbender ran back to his village.

The scene was the same as the one from ten years ago. He screamed about some mountain beast flying around with a tail and a pair of legs. All he received were some strange looks from the people. Some of which didn't believe him. Some of which were too drunk and hung over to care. The last distinct group of people was his company full of concerned people who exchanged looks with each other. Even then, some of them were from similar mountain villages and hung over. What no one knew was that the commander of the company regretted recruiting in that part of the Earth Kingdom.

So he marched off to Ba Sing Se to fight off a fire breathing western dragon, leaving all the nonbelievers behind.

After the war ended he returned home to his Podunk little mountain village. He missed the sights and smells of the non-impressive place. It saddened him that Pong died, but he was pleased to see that his Moonshine was much more popular than it was when he was ten. He made a mental note to continue making it in the future. Who knows, perhaps the Earth King would like some Moonshine. The ex-soldier walked down the familiar mountain path alone for what seemed like hours. He was happy to see that it wasn't destroyed in the comet's wake. A growling came from beside him and he looked to see the top of a fuzzy head and pair of horns disappear behind a slab of mountain. He sat there and thought it through. In the end he decided to go back to his village.

As he ran he heard that same growling sound coming from the village square. As he made his way up the incline, he saw the familiar fuzzy head and horns first. He gasped and yelped as he knew that his village would finally believe him, even if it only took twenty years and almost getting killed numerous times for it to happen. He noticed that the beast had a saddle and that three figures in red, orange, and blue were standing around it. He saw that on the orange one's head was a blue arrow. He instantly knew that it was the Avatar. He victoriously ran into the village exclaiming that those horned flying mountain monsters were real, and that he saw one only a half hour ago.

A smile came across the Avatar's face as he rushed the earthbender. He politely pointed to the mountains where the other flying beasts were and explained to the Avatar where they were. The earthbender was grinning ear to ear as he hopped and jumped in place. Later on the Avatar returned on his bison, followed by a large herd of similar looking creatures. The earthbender shouted I told you so to the now believing populace as the bison took to the skies above the village.

That evening the Avatar decided to stay in town for the night and watch the bison. The earthbender didn't mind much. He saw it as a perfect opportunity to market his Moonshine.

"Ol' Pong's Moonshine." he said as he handed a few large glasses of it to the disgruntled, if not slightly under aged Fire Lord.

The strangely adorably naïve Fire Lord (as the earthbender dubbed him) graciously, if not awkwardly accepted the bottles of the liquid. The earthbender smiled a toothy grin as his marketing plans began to take flight like those bison around him. The next day he gave more Moonshine to the Avatar boy before they flew off with the herd that caused him so much trouble. Because seriously, how can something that big stay hidden for so long? He waved with the rest of the village as they flew away.

A few months later the earthbender learned that Ol' Pong's Moonshine was illegal in the Fire Nation and Ba Sing Se. The man sighed in defeat as his beverage was being expelled from some of the best markets out there. He heard something about the young under aged (and apparently drunk) Fire Lord throwing up in the Earth King's crown at some fancy peace conference.


	3. Azulon, The Magical Baby

**Hello again everyone! Thanks for reviewing the last chapter! :]  
This is yet another ridiculously stupid installment in the series of stupidity.  
Just an honest attempt at a Philosophy Essay turned Rozin. No joke.**

**Just so you know, theres mention of a "gayby" or in my stupid mind, a spawn of a pair of men.  
I mean no offence or anything. Just wanted to say that before someone decided to tear my throat out through my laptop.  
Now that all of that is disclaimed...**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing.**

* * *

Roku and Sozin never had wives of their own.  
Ok, I lied. Roku had a wife, but not Sozin. But still.  
It was all just a cover up. Oh a glorious cover up.

You see, Sozin was infatuated with Roku as we all know. When Roku died, Sozin felt kind of bad and wanted him to live on. So Sozin went on a magical journey and found a magical fairy. Sozin wanted Roku to live on, so he pulled some of Roku's hair from his magical pocket.

YES. SOZIN KEPT ROKU'S HAIR BECAUSE HE LOVED HIM. AND THE FIRE LORD ROBES ARE FUCKING MAGICAL. DEAL WITH IT.

So the fairy looked at the pathetic love sick old Fire Lord and sighed. She needed another piece of someone else because there can't be two Avatars and cloning was frowned upon in her Magical Fairy Castle. So Sozin thought it over for a few moments and pulled out a few strands of his hair and gave it to the fairy. She rolled her eyes and BING BAM BOOM she was holding a magical baby that was actually the product of Sozin and Roku, so it would technically be a gayby.

The fairy went away and Sozin took magical gayby Azulon home. He explained that he had a one night stand with some dead noble man's hot wife and she was pregnant. Oh, she died too. No one dared question Sozin because he was just plain insane and there was a massive comet coming in a few days.

You see, Ursa was Roku's descendent, science and all. Ta Min could attest to that whole confusing mess. But Sozin planned before his death to have Roku's line and his line mix officially so there would be no scandals when he wanted it to be announced. His and Roku's love WOULD LIVE ON FOREVER.

Soon Ursa married Ozai and Zuko and Azula was born. The rest is history.

...

Azulon stared at the magical spirit fairy that floated before him, not saying a single word. He could no longer wander the Spirit World without flinching or dry heaving when he heard about or saw Sozin or Roku after that.


	4. Where's Mom

**Hello, and thanks for all the reviews! This is simply another chapter in the drabble series. Slightly more serious, but hopefuly amusing still.**

**In which Zuko pesters Ozai on Ursa's whereabouts.**

**Don't forget to review and all that stuff.**

**And I own nothing.**

* * *

The two Fire Lords sat in the small dark room. One on a simple chair in flowing robes, and another on the ground in a cage. The elderly Fire Lord would roll his eyes and spit insults in his last form of defiance. The younger one would scowl, but try to keep a level head.

"Where is my mother?" He said in a stern voice.

The older lord paused and then smirked. "Don't you have a city to build instead of looking for one lost woman?"

The younger one frowned. "Where is she?" He said, completely ignoring the previous statement.

The elder simply shrugged. The younger one let out a roar in frustration and stormed out of the room.

oOo

"Where is she, father." The last word was said grudgingly.

"Somewhere, I'm sure." Was the sarcastic reply.

"Tell me where she is." He demanded.

"Isn't that any way to speak to your father, Zuko?"

Fire Lord Zuko ungracefully stormed out.

oOo

"Tell me where she is. Ozai." Zuko growled.

Ozai just smirked. "This is really getting old. Why not a change of conversation?"

"Where is mom?" Zuko growled through gritted teeth.

"How am I supposed to know? I've been locked in a cage." Ozai replied.

Zuko frowned.

oOo

"You know where mother is."

"Do I now?"

"Yes."

"Are you sure?"

"You banished her."

"Yes, yes I did."

"So you must know where she is."

"Perhaps she's searching for her honor."

"I highly dislike you."

oOo

"So…" Zuko started. He walked in with a casual air about him. "One of my friend's fathers is lonely."

Ozai raised an eyebrow. "What?" That surely caught him off guard.

"Yeah," Zuko said as he casually leaned against the wall. "Pretty lonely. It's heartbreaking to see actually."

"Why should I care?"

"Because, only you can help him."

Ozai nearly dry heaved as the thought of "helping" Zuko's friend's father came into mind.

"You see, he was describing a woman he'd like, and mom sure does fit that description." Zuko said offhandedly.

"So, you want me to tell you where Ursa is?"

"Yeah." Zuko tried to hide his excitement of possibly getting an answer.

The old Fire Lord sat in thought for the longest time as Zuko nervously, but excitedly played with his fingers.

"No."

Zuko made a noise that sounded like a cat getting strangled as he walked out of the room.

oOo

Zuko walked into the room. He sighed and shrugged and looked defeated. Ozai rose a questioning, but non-caring eyebrow.

"Today was a rough day." Zuko started. "You know with people hating you because your dad almost burned the planet to a crisp." He nonchalantly stroked his chin. He was sure he felt some stubble.

"Really now?" His father inquired.

"Yeah. The only thing that could improve my day is a mother's love."

"No."

"Damn."

oOo

"Knock knock."

"Who's there?"

"Boo."

"Boo who?"

"If mom were here, you wouldn't cry."

"No."

Zuko simply walked away.

oOo

"Tell me."

"No."

"Yes."

"No."

"Yes."

"No."

This went on for an hour before Zuko stormed out in defeat.

oOo

"I'll let you ride in one of those automobile things if you tell me where mom is."

"Why would I want to ride in one of those contraptions?"

"Because it'd be a new experience."

"So…"

"Fine. I'll let you see Republic City."

"Why would I want to go there?"

"Because it'd be fun."

"It doesn't sound too exciting."

"It used to be a Fire Nation colony."

"And that's supposed to make me feel better?"

"Did it work?"

"I'm not telling."

Zuko walked out.

oOo

Zuko sighed once again as he made the long trek to his father's cell. He knew how it would go. He would demand where his mother was and Ozai would simply say no. He held his head high as he approached the cell, trying to portray an air of confidence. The usual guard walked to the Fire Lord and gave a quick bow. Zuko noticed that something seemed off about the guard.

"Is there something wrong?" Zuko asked.

The guard nodded solemnly. "Your father passed away last night."

Zuko felt numb. He couldn't place any emotions to what he was feeling. Zuko told the guard to make preparations for a funeral before he turned and walked away. Even if Ozai was evil, he still deserved some dignity, Zuko thought.

The Fire Lord walked numbly towards the exit of the prison. He thought he felt sadness for his father passing away, but it felt like there was more to it than that. Zuko finally realized that it wasn't just losing a father; to him it felt like he was losing both of his parents' by his father passing. The thought wanted to make Zuko break down where he was and curl into a tight ball. He wasn't sure why a small part of him was starting to miss Ozai. He shook his head at the real thought.

He stood up strait, to portray a strong leader once he left the prison and boarded the automobile that would take him back to the palace. Zuko thought some more as the ride seemed to last years. He was a bundle of emotions.

It unsettled him.

Soon the palace came into view. Zuko shuddered. He wanted to hide away. Hide where no one could see him. The vehicle came to a shaky stop and the door was opened. Zuko thanked the driver as he walked into the palace. He started to walk to his rooms as Aang approached him with a smile. Without saying anything, the Avatar led the Fire Lord further into the palace and to a set of double doors. Aang gave Zuko a wide smile as he opened the doors.

As they opened, Zuko noticed Katara farther in the room talking to a woman who was facing away from him. She had long greyish white hair. Zuko raised an eyebrow in confusion. Katara looked towards Zuko and smiled. She said a few words to the woman while smiling still. The elderly woman turned to face the Fire Lord.

"Mom."


End file.
